Penance of the Angels
by Lone-ranger1
Summary: AU One Shot: Kendra Shaw's thoughts after Kara Thrace detonates the Nuke on the Guardian Basestar instead of her. Drabble, OneShot. First BSG Fic


**Penance of the Angels**

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Premise: What if Kara Thrace was the one who stayed with the Nuke in Razor? Quick One-Shot describing Kendra's thoughts after.

A/N: Obviously AU, but I think it could have worked in a way. (with a few minor changes).

I think Kendra was an awesome character with a lot of layers, but alas…

First BSG fic so be kind :)

Reviews are like beds, always better when shared :D

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The bed was soft, the pillow was soft… and the wound on her stomach was soft. The pain was agonizing, the Morpha having lost effect. Sleep was a nightmare, and consciousness was no better..

She felt dull… damaged… notched … and it wasn't the way every breath she took burned searing anguish into her lungs that made her feel this way. Not even the half-concerned, half-hate filled look Commander Lee Adama gave her. The failure… the failure to atone…

The memory was so clear, her intentions finally pure. But Thrace had been too fast, too expectant of her. As soon as she heard the click of the gun she'd spun around and knocked it clear from her hand.

She'd fallen to the ground, screaming in excruciating rage, ordering Thrace to stand down. But she was too much like her, orders were orders, and only the gods themselves could suggest otherwise.

Thrace had picked her up from the floor and thrown her in despite constant cursing and pleas to reconsider. She banged her bloody fists on the glass, indifferent to the marines behind her.

Thrace had told her to frak off, put her jumpsuit on, and that it had been an honor… those were supposed to have been her words, her final penance.

Mathias had forced her to put the suit on, even going so far as to stab a syringe of Morpha into her shoulder to calm her down. She fought with everything she could, but the painkiller sent her into the fuguish dream world she hated, the punishment she willingly entered so often.

She'd lost the moment of atonement, and now was cursed with the sentence of life. Unfair… unearned… immoral… the Gods were cruel, and savagely forced it upon her. Life was only the steps towards death, and death the only possible recompense for her sins.

The explosion had been the final nail in the coffin of her life, watching as the chariot of fire that was to take her to the paradise of penitence left without her, taking one who didn't deserve such a beautiful reward.

"_Major Shaw…" _His voice was full of anguish, the strong, steady stoic tone did nothing to hide his pain. _"Major Shaw."_

She wanted to say she was sorry, that her life was the final blight the gods demanded of her, and they had taken their angel back as judgment for the crimes humanity had committed. _"Commander…"_

"_Shh… don't try and speak. You're going to be alright… Cottle got the bullet out and he says you should be back on your feet in a few days."_

"_Commander… Thrace…"_

"_I know Major… She told us."_

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Kendra listened to the tapes, over and over again.

Her words... Thrace's voice.

"_Pegasus Actual…, Red 1 plus team are away, Red 1 is delirious… Red 2 arming nuke."_ The sounds of the Adamas breathing harder were the only reply. Thrace noticed instantly. _"It's alright sir..." _

The transmission cut off, more jamming. Admiral Adama's voice filled the silence. _"Commander, as soon as we've picked up our EVAC Raptor and confirmed the target destruction, jump back to the fleet."_

Commander Adama's voice was resolute, his only defense against the emotion. _"Yes sir. Mr. Hoshi, begin plotting escape jump. Await my orders."_

"_Aye Sir. Plotting Jump."_

A few more seconds of silence, and heavy breathing.

Thrace's voice came back in. still unclear with static, but still audible. _"Lee… this is alright… it's okay_…"

Commander Adama's voice remained stern_. "I know Kara… I know."_

Admiral Adama sighed, it was perfectly recognizable, yet he still said no words. Thrace spoke again. _"I've got a destiny Lee… this is right…"_

The final words of an Angel, one who's sole purpose was to curse Shaw's final attempt at resolution, an Angel of Living Death.

All Kendra could do now was live, continue to survive, and pray to the Gods who so cruelly forced her to remain in the savagery of life, that somewhere down the line, she would have the chance to redeem her long lost soul.


End file.
